Time to Prune some Friendships?

 

In order for a plant to grow it, the gardener must prune and pluck it.

I recall growing cherry, plum and ‘regular’ tomatoes.  They were filled with leaves and I was happily anticipating a great harvest but they bore no fruit. That’s when I learned of suckers. Suckers are leaves that are jammed growing between a branch and a stem. In order for these leaves to survive, they pull the life out of the tomato as they share all the good stuff with the good hard working leaves. My plants were disguised as healthy looking.

 

When I learned of suckers I hesitated in doing what I knew was necessary. It was like a hairdresser telling me I need to trim. Noo, it’s a good leaf or hairstrand! Or so I thought.

I plucked the suckers and pruned the plant and they grew lovely sweet tomatoes. We aren’t much different from plants in this regard. While you grow you have to say goodbye to friendships and ‘familyships’ too. As you read, this is where most people are afraid of coming off as arrogant. I’m letting go of that fear and embracing my fabulousness, sorry 🙂

One of my quotes is “when you’re broke and unemployed you know who your friends are, when you’re wealthy and well employed, you know who your friends are” Some friends are suckers and some friends are growers, helping you bear good fruit. The truth is, some people will not be happy for your success. That’s how you identify the suckers in your life. Simple truth! I had a hard time realising this while I searched for the answers, “maybe I offended him” or maybe I shouldn’t have said x to her” I figured, it just had to be me when it wasn’t.

The second self served solution in my demise was to lower my standards at fear of making someone feel bad. And I’m not even yet accomplishing greatness. I didn’t show up because I didn’t want to show up others. I refused to take pride and credit in my work because it’s not me, it’s some other force like luck, let me shy away and be extra humble or give credit to someone else because clearly I’m not capable of being so awesome and confident.  I now give the credit and praise to God who strengthens me.

Awaiting a train on our way to work, a co-worker /’friend’ said to me I can’t have it all, “you can’t be beautiful and brilliant” at the same time. [ah who ge um joke?: Vincy Parle”] At that time, I was still naïve and didn’t get what she truly meant.

“Eww, why you sound White?!”

In H.S I was called an oreo. For those who don’t know, a person termed an ‘oreo’ is Black on the outside, White on the inside. Stupid, yes I know. It was a paradox of seeing a richly dark skinned girl yet seeing characteristics of what they associated to the White race. “Oh, why you sound White, you think you better than us?!” “yo! Stop talking like a White person” I said ‘interesting’ following a friend’s comment on the train and there was the delayed pause before they burst out laughing and then the White girl comments came.  I can share many instances where my very basic and simple speech was termed highclass and White. I can also write a thesis on the destabilizing and disinfranchinzing impact of these words to a person’s drive and the bommerang effect of the holding back of their Brother and Sister that also in the end affects them. But I won’t.

If I’d let their inferiority complex and twisted sense of accomplishment define me I would not be where I am today. Unfortunately, I still face this same treatment “why you does goh talk so, you feel you more dan anybody.” “You’s get on so great doh” My own people started to place me in the ‘bougie category.

I thought these racial and class struggles were well over but they are not. It’s simply people’s insecurities rearing up and truthfully, even if we don’t want to admit it, it’s also their fear that those whom they once ate and laughed with will forget and deny them. We, many of us first generations, therefore have to balance our approach and our tongues.

I share my story of overcoming my fear of shining my light but you may have had a different mountain in life. The common thread here is the need to prune for your own good and growth.

T.D Jakes said “Many people suffer inside because they are surrounded by others who live where they were and not where they are.” – Can you Stand to Be Blessed?: Insights to Help Your Survive the Peaks and Valleys. I really needed to hear these comforting words ‘cuz I thought I was going off.

When you begin to step away and into your greatness, when you begin to gain some notoriety, those with you either celebrate or shun you. They are suckers, jammed between your past and your future. You need to get them out of your present to live your purpose.  Whether this be a physical move or a thought move. Something inside you has to shift. Suckers live vicariously through others and do not create their own stories or roots. They are birthed and continue to exist without their own roots via an already existing plant.

“Introspection – are you a sucker?”

I remember seeing a tomato plant growing but knew I didn’t plant one there. I then recalled it was the sucker that I plucked a few weeks back. Suckers taken out and placed in their own soil or water grow and also bear fruit. So don’t be ashamed or afraid, thank the plant and prune yourself away. Step out and grow into your own greatness, your own roots, your own story.

 

Go on and prune your circle. Use Godly wisdom to identify the suckers. Jump into your own waters and soil to bear fruit while your friends bear fruit.

Blessings! 🙂